UN-resolutions

Well, we’re almost at that time again.

You know it?you dread it, but you know it.

Resolution Time.

“This year, I’m going to lose 10 lbs, stop drinking on weeknights, and clean my desk.”

Yeah. Me too.

Funny how we make a list of what we are TO do, behaviour that we WILL change, things that we WILL be better about when-PRONTO! the clock strikes midnight on the last day of 2001, and suddenly, the time is upon us. What were we thinking!?!?

Instead of all the wishful thinking, the cold-turkey quitting, the lean-cuisine eating, this holiday, why not make a list of things NOT to do in 2002? (Catchy, yes?)

We’ll call it our UN-resolution list.

For instance, this year I will STOP trying to lose those last 5 pounds, and hell, ENJOY the French fries that I would previously have given up as a resolution. Pile on the ketchup, add a cheeseburger, and a perfect New Year’s Day meal (read: Hangover Remedy) awaits me.

Hmm. I like this so far.

While I am at it, I will NO LONGER obsess why guys think that waiting to call on Wednesday is an original move, why people driving ahead of me don’t turn off their blinker even though they have already changed lanes, and why I am not already a famous writer/movie star/mini-celeb/name-droppee/gal-about-town. (Ok, so perhaps I WILL still think about that last one, but the other two? Done.)

No more will I feel guilty when I spend $110 on a pair of jeans — they’re a fundamental right of womanhood, and when you find a pair that fits, flatters your thighs, perkifies your behind, you buy them. You buy two of them. Whatever the cost.

I now UN-resolve to STOP buying Ben & Jerry’s pints of Ice Cream. You get SO much more in the Edy’s Grand Special Flavors tins for about the same amount of money.

I will not beg — unless it’s for the last pair of 8-medium Manolo’s for 75% off at Neimans.

I will not steal — unless it’s stealing 3rd in my work softball game.

I will not cheat?unless Kirk Herbstreit comes galloping up on a white horse, 24 long-stemmed roses in hand. (Ok, I take that back. I’ll take him walking, crawling, skipping. Hey, I don’t have anyone to cheat on!)

Valentine’s Day will no longer fill me with gloom, doom, and many thoughts of consuming boxes of chocolates in bed with my face mask, tissues, and “When Harry Met Sally.” Instead, I’ll throw a bash, for all us single-ish gals to live it up on the “Day of the Dates.” Then, hangover ensuing, I’ll take a sickie the next day, THEN eating chocolate and crying over Harry and Sally in bed with a water bottle on my aching head.

I will NOT live up to anyone else’s expectations of me except for my own.

I will NOT berate myself for making a mistake, only try to learn from it.

I will NO MORE be told that I can’t do something, I won’t succeed, or I may not make it.

Because you know what? This New Year’s I will make a lot of UN-Resolutions and just one Resolution.

This New Year’s Day, I will resolve to take risks, try my best, and do what I can to accomplish my goals.

And then I’ll take a nap — with all the things I’m no longer NOT doing, I’ve got quite a year ahead of me!

Happy Holidays and New Year, everyone,

-aubs

ps-Been crazed over what to get me this year? I thought so. Check out my wish list, online for your viewing enjoyment. And don’t worry, I don’t expect you to get me ALL of them…number 10 or 11 would suffice!

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