I had a pretty good weekend…watching some basketball, football, and testing out some bloody mary’s with some friends.
It was this Saturday-o-fun that led me to ponder one of life’s universal questions:
The difference between men and women.
Anatomy notwithstanding, book after book has been written upon “How to Find the [Man/Woman] of Your Dreams,” teaching us “The Rules,” and telling us that “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.”
Is this really the case?
Are we THAT different that we exist on different ‘planets’ of sorts, never to understand one another?
I’m not so sure about this. Granted, we all know that guys and girls exist on different time-frames…a three-day call-embargo from the man-o’-the-moment is lifetimes to us gals, whereas the guys often see it as mere minutes. Boys, we’re on to you, and thanks to our friends advising patience, we learn that distance, (or at least waiting,) may in fact make the heart grow fonder. Or something like that.
But dating in general. We’re met with so many conflicting messages about how to act, how long to wait before calling/emailing, playing hard-to-get, being “Women of the ’00’s,” and even what to do when you think his/her friend has got the hots for ya! I mean, it’s a miracle we ever start relationships or even get to do a bit of kissing (outside of Hole in the Wall, that is…)
While I can’t speak for all women, let the following serve as a mini-guide to us girls (handy-reference card available upon request…)
1. Call us. I mean, it isn’t rocket science. If you say you’re going to call, do it. If you ask for our number, use it. I’m not talking harassment here, or even lengthy conversations. Just simple courtesy. This has been #1 in our “subtle ways to impress us” book for some time now. In return, we won’t call you if you don’t give us your number or make any inferences that a phone call from us would be appreciated. Just do what you say you’re going to do and you’ve already won points in our book. (And if something comes up? Let us know. We’re a pretty forgiving gender.) ‘Nuff said.
2. Have a plan. Not just for your life (though that is a bonus!) but for a date. While we LOVE to be asked for our opinion about what we want to do on said date, we want you to have a few suggestions as well. If we ask YOU out, we’ll do the same. (Get the theme here? It’s all about equality, baby…)
3. Have passion. For us? Of course. But we’re looking at the big picture here. Just as guys often throw girls in the “ones you date” vs. “ones you marry” category, us girls know the difference between a keeper and a man-of-the-moment. Contrary to popular belief, we’re not all looking to get married today (or even tomorrow.) If anything, most of us don’t even want to be married in the next few years, we’re just itching to plan a wedding. (I am as guilty as the next one here.) Back to my point: Passion. If you want to be upgraded from the M.O.T.M (man-of-the-moment) category into the P.H.A.K (Perhaps He’s A Keeper) group, have interests. Other than us. Other than football. You don’t have to be a member of every volunteer organization in the state, but if you love music, acting, or even Nick Hornby books, then you’re on the right track.
4. Have an opinion. We’re not looking to just fight with you, but if we see eye-to-eye on everything, it tends to get a bit boring. Even worse is you not taking a stand one way or another. Against abortion? Tell us. Think that Kirk Herbstreit is an overexposed lecherous freak, and well, that’s your opinion. (Of course, I’ll disagree.) There’s a time for give-and-take, reciprocation, and compromise, but at age twenty-thirty-something, you should know what you like, know what you don’t, and not be afraid to express it. (You’ll have enough time to compromise when we drag you, yet again, to the mall for those must-have Manolo’s at Neimans…)
5. Surprise us. Flowers and candy are lovely, but it’s the little things that really win us over. Send us a card. Call us, “just because.” Show us a side of you that we’re not expecting (and I am NOT talking about mooning us. Buttcracks are NEVER sexy.) Show up unannounced to take us to dinner….or something. I can’t list them all here or no one would ever surprise me! It isn’t the flowers, the dinners, the money you spend on us that makes us like you. It’s the things you do without trying, the way you say “Hey, it’s me” on your messages, the small things that make you, you. We dig it.
Of course, this is just a small glimpse into the ever-so-intricate mind of smart women all around…I’ll leave it at that for now. Can’t give away TOO many of my secrets here…
Happy Monday, Boys and Girls. Wishing you BOTH a wonderful week,