This is a test of the emergency broadcast system.

The broadcasters in your area (read: me) in voluntary cooperation with other broadcasters in your area (read: my alter egos) have developed this system to keep you informed in the event of an emergency.

Please be warned that the conditions are right for boredom. There is a strong system brewing in the West that may soon make it into your area, causing you to stare at the clock and wonder why it is moving so slowly. Note that this is only a watch at this time, meaning that conditions are favorable for droning-on bosses and long-winded coworkers. Please stay close to your television and radios as this may, at any time, change over to a warning, with actual boredom and drudgery spotted on the horizon.

In the event of such a warning, please seek shelter at your nearest bar, pub, or brewhouse. If you know of no such place, a trashy strip club or even cheezeball watering hole will serve the purpose. If you find yourself stuck in a place where you cannot make it to one of the above safe locations, shut the door, turn off the lights and crawl under your desk for a little nap (being sure to brush away the crumbs of the many lunches you have eaten while sitting in front of your computer).

If you witness a fallen power bar (or a half-eaten Twinkie, abandoned long ago), do not, I repeat, DO NOT eat it. Identify the nearest liquor store in your area and proceed there immediately, stocking up on airplane bottles to fill your (locked) third drawer of the filing cabinet.

If this had been an actual emergency, the Attention Signal you just read would have been followed by instructions directing you to go to the “Shizzolator” (type in my web address for some fun) or make some poems with online website Magnetic Poetry.

This website serves the online area. This concludes the test of the Emergency Broadcast System.