Number of employees at the this office: Roughly 80
Number of female employees at this office: Roughly 40
Number of female employees at this office that I wouldn’t be caught dead with at a beach because they are so thin that I am externally seething with jealousy right this second: Roughly 30
Number of female employees at this office that would instantly be hit on my all of my male friends if, in fact, they were to live in NYC: Roughly 30
Number of soft-drink-esque things offered: 12 varieties
Number of diet or calorie free soft-drink-esque things offered: 8
Number of female employees at this office that are drinking REAL coke vs. diet anything: Roughly 29 of the 30. Life is NOT fair.
Number of snack foods that are offered: Roughly 20
Number of LOW FAT snack foods that are offered: 2
Number of female employees that are partaking in the 18 non-low-fat offers: Roughly 28 of the 30. Again, not fair.
Number of Fruit 2 0 waters that I have drank today: 6
Cost of my club sandwich last night: $27
Cost of my glasses of wine (per glass) that I drank because I was so pissed that my club sandwich was nothing but crap: $15
Cost of that girlish blush as a result of multiple glasses of said red wine last night: Classified
Cost of my PREFERRED way to get that girlish blush and the rosiness in my cheeks (post-coital, of course): Priceless (and free.)
Number of phone calls received last night: 6
Number of DRUNK people I talked to last night: 3
Number of post 2-am phone calls I received last night: 2
Number of people who pledged their undying love to me via the phone last night, post 2am: Classified
Number of people who expressed concern over my trip to Chicago: Roughly 10
Number of people who still aren’t talking to me because I did, in fact, go on my trip to Chicago: 1
Number of people made jealous by my trip to Chicago: The list continues to grow
Number of people I proposed to this week: 2
Number of people I promised to NOT propose to this week if they would help me with my 401k form: 1
Number of meetings I just attended with my fly down: 4
My mortification: Priceless.