Dear Mother Nature,

I’m sorry that I dropped out of that Geography class on Weather & Climate in college. I’m sure it was fascinating. However, I don’t think that I needed to have taken it to know that either your choice in weather patterns lately is either an indication of the coming Armageddon or you’re in a shitty mood. I’ll prefer to touch on the latter.

Can we work through it? I’m happy to recommend to you some board-certified psychologists to help you overcome your aggression issues and get you back on track to creating and regulating the weather as per the typical seasonal variants.

In case you’ve forgotten, the current season is “Spring.” Usually, in this part of the world where people sacrifice daily mastication and alimentary consumption in order to purchase convertibles, the normal climate is warm to stickily-disgustingly-hot, increasing throughout the coming months until we hit “Summer” in late June, at which time the climate changes to unbearably hot/invest in Secret Deodorant stock because, honey, you need it. In addition, it is no longer April so you can’t use the “April Showers bring May Flowers” excuse because said flowers have been FLOODED as of late.

Further, in case a calendar has also been washed away in what we’re now referring to as the “Time to Build an Ark in Atlanta” project, this upcoming weekend is Memorial Day. As per protocol, this weekend of revelry involves sun, fun, boating, sun, drinking, sun, laying out, and did I mention sun? As such, we’re missing one key element from the mix: sun.

We support you, Mother Nature, we really do. Isn’t it our kind hearts that give to the Red Cross every time you see fit to make a natural disaster? And isn’t it us who created Wellies, Umbrellas and the whole “Singing in the Rain” phenomenon to counteract the impending Seasonal Affective Disorder that would surely permeate the city sans these efforts? I believe it is. Symbiosis, Mother Nature, it’s all about give and take. So how ’bout you give us the sun, and we’ll happily take it?

Thanks for your kind consideration in these very important bronzing, sunning, and funning matters, and seriously – I’ll hook ya up with a good shrink if you need it. Just please, PLEASE, stop the rain….

Your friend,
Aubrey