I recently fulfilled every twenty-somethings’ dream:

I went to see Chicago. Live. And in Concert.

Our seats rocked.
The band rocked.
Their outfits, which I am convinced are the same authentic blue v-neck vests, worn – of course – without anything underneath them, and coupled with the skin-tight black pants that they wore in the late 70’s, rocked.

There’s something to be said about old-school songs, the ones that you know you slow-danced to in seventh grade. These are the “Let’s Wait Awhile”s, the “Lady in Red”s, the “You’re The Inspiration”s that remind us that adolescence was nothing less than tumultuous and that you wouldn’t live it again for all the money in the world.

We FELT those songs. We LIVED them. We would listen with our Sony Walkmans in the back of our Dad’s car after being forced to attend yet another much-despised family event to songs like Bonnie Raitt’s “I Can’t Make You Love Me” and knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that she was singing to you. That she just KNEW what you were going through. And that somehow, by hearing those words, it made it alright that {insert nameless crush here} wasn’t in love with you and was found going to second base with {insert trashy 7th grade slut here} behind the auditorium. We ached, but since misery loves company, Bonnie’s take on the matter made it just a wee bit better.

Fast forward to today, and the 7th graders are now going through the same angst and adolescent hormonal misery that we were in the late 80’s, albeit raised to a frighteningly precocious level involving sex, drugs, and other unmentionables that I hope have abated by the time I bring a child into this world.
Where are THEIR songs? Somehow, I doubt that Christina Aguilera and Michelle Branch are today’s Journey and Chicago and Foreigner. What do they slow dance to? And, prey tell, do they do the Frankenstein-esque side-to-side slow-dance-sway with approximately three feet in between the boy and the girl, like we did?

What is this world coming to where lines like “I don’t wanna live without your love, I don’t wanna face the night alone”, “And even as I WANDER, I’m keeping you in sight. You’re a candle in the window, On a cold, dark winter’s night”, and “And being apart ain’t easy on this love affair, Two strangers learn to fall in love again” don’t exist. I mean, come on people, FEEL THE ANGST. FEEL THE PAIN.

And so I beseech you, cheezeball bands of the 21st Century, take some tips from Mr. Big, from REO Speedwagon, from Peter Cetera. Give us today’s version of “Glory of Love”. Teach them how to dance like zombies. I just can’t accept that Hanson is as good as these kids are gonna get.

Rise up, rock-ballad singers. Go forth and musicate.

Your challenge awaits you – The future of tomorrow depends on it.