I know this will come as a shock to many of you, but alas, I’m hitting the trail yet again. This time (and please, if you’re at work, try and conceal your shock as it may clue coworkers into the fact that you’re not doing your work) it’s vacation.


With the exception of Spring Break and a Winter Break or two (which doesn’t count b/c Winter in Cleveland is NOT synonymous with sun nor fun), I’ve never taken been on vacation for a week. Makes you want to prank call and chew out my parents, doesn’t it!? Anyhoo, at least in my four years of work-tastic life, I’ve never taken five consecutive days off. And oh, after this week, how I deserve it.

Yes, while you are sitting in corporate life-suckage I shall be contemplating what color to paint my toenails, since the abundance of sand warrants regular re-pedi-fication. While you’re working on your TPS reports and trying to dodge a “Case of the Mondays”, I’ll be contemplating whether SPF 8 will leave me bronzed but not burnt. While you’re stringing together curse words into an intricate hand-woven tapestry of profanity, I’ll be stringing together my bikini.

Have I made you jealous yet?

A funny thing about the week before vacations, as in your frantic preparation to tie up all loose ends, you find yourself longing for procrastination. When you should be packing, you find yourself enthralled by a documentary on the History channel. Instead of stocking up on cat food, your car mysteriously sends you to the mall to stock up on bathing suits. ($1.99 at J. Crew, by the way. Just call me the female Clark Howard!) Though you need to be getting all of your work done a few days early so you don’t have to stay late and end up in a bottleneck of Atlanta smog-i-rific traffic, you email your friends (many of whom are also trying to finish aforementioned activities and are thus more than a bit peeved when you begin to quiz them about their electronics supply in their house) and send them hilarious and very twisted websites such as this. It’s a curse, I tell you.

And yet despite this crappity-crap of a week, despite the fact that I will be in 5 cities in 7 days, and despite the fact that I’m going to end up doing some work from the beach for a multitude of conference calls, I’m excited. No, I’m elated. I just can’t wait to shove my pale ass into a little bathing suit, can’t wait to sleep late and apply aloe to sunburns I had futily attempted to avoid, and can’t wait to come back rested, relaxed, and ready to go all over again. Yes, it’s the dog days of summer, and this Atlanta-gal is doing the only thing she knows how to do to combat the omni-present smog and surprisingly oppressive heat.

I’m going to the beach.

So in my absence, and since my mind will be on hiatus, I beseech you for topics. Sort of like the quasi-failure that was the Aubrey Guest-Writer Series, this is the Aubrey Guest-Topic series. Here’s how it works. (You may want to take notes, it’s somewhat complicated.)
– You leave a comment with a suggested topic.
– I write on that topic.

Saves you from reading about my sunbathing braggadocia, my blonder-than blonde sea-tousled hair or my quest to live by the seaside, and saves me from utilizing any nuances of my brain that I plan on giving a rest. (Um, like the whole thing.) So, mon cheres, comment-icize and topic-icize away. I’m counting on you.

5 thoughts on “Topic-ification

  1. I actually lucked out myself and got a $1.99 triangle top in Tigerlily (great reddish-orange) at Jcrew just last week…Have fun on your week long vacay (and shame on your parents for not providing you with one as a child).

  2. I think you should fill us in on what exciting things you are doing on your vacation. I know I may be speaking for myself when I say this, but I like hearing about people vacations, even when I am at work.

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