A wedding is one of the only times where you get to move to your own soundtrack.

Think about it. You walk down the aisle to meticulously chosen music, kiss on a crescendo, and exit the church, a happy new couple, to music of jubilation and celebration. First dances are coordinated to the step, with the ‘perfect’ song playing to guide you, and often the couple’s exit into a limo/horse and buggy/Rolls Royce is accompanied by an appropriate farewell tune. The soundtrack of your marriage includes upbeat, celebratory songs and softer, romanticized ditties and, above all else, is yours.

Wouldn’t it be great if life followed suit? Like the music in a scary movie before the ghoul grabs the gal, I would love some foreshadowing when things are about to go terribly wrong in my life. About to get broken up with? Strike up the band, maestro, and please make it a dirge. Find yourself walking in on your boyfriend with someone else? Please, for the love of God, give me some soap opera death scene music. On the flip side, a lovely, sensuous tune playing softly in the breeze would prove to be a nice addition to a lovely, sensuous kiss on my doorstep (or hell, wherever.) An emotional, serious talk with a significant other almost requires an instrumental piano tune, perhaps of the Jim Brickman variety. And a proposal? Well, I’d hate to tip off any suitors with exact details, as not to steal their thunder, but watch a few chick-flicks and you’ll get my drift.

Aah, the power of television. We come to expect our lives to follow the typical pattern, where geeky guy finally wins over beautiful girl after wooing her with his moxie and personality, or where Plain Jane wins Studmeister Hunk-o-rific with her class, charm, and all-around inner beauty. Sadly, this is why television, including the misnomered reality shows, are anything BUT reality. In real life, girl doesn’t always get guy. Your high school nemesis may still be tan, taut, blonde and buxom after all of these years, damnit. And long distance relationships don’t always work out, no matter how much you’d like them to. Yet the addition of a soundtrack, some background music, still seems like a nice addition — improvement, perhaps — to our mundane existence.

So next time you find me tapping my feet or looking wistfully off into the distance during a romantic encounter, just blame it on Marc Cohn.