I’ve never owned a Kia.
My last name is not Miles.
And whether or not Tiny Tim has a Small Engine or not, I suppose you’ll have to go back to Google to find that out.

Yes, it’s another installment of the much-loved “What People are Searching on to Get to My Site!” And trust me, people, this one is fun…

Apparently, Altavista thinks that my site has the answer to “what kind of ignition does a kia sephia have inside” (um, a small one? A crappy one?). Yahoo finds me more of the party girl, thinking I need to go to more “texas frat parties”, wondering “how to be more than ‘just friends’ with a guy” (apparently, I’m not doing so well in this category) and perhaps thinks I have a bizarre fetish of “boys kissing shoes” (that comment was clearly misinterpreted by one of my ex’s, perhaps interchanging the word “ass” with “shoes.” Silly boy…)

My own beloved company, with a wonderful algorithm to provide you the most relevant of results (hear that Yahoo users? It’s about time to switch!), still has led a few visitors astray by sending them to my site to “see my jugs”. (Sorry, kids.) People are interested in seeing “wrightsville beach party pics”, and finding out “why girls are considered promiscuous and boys considered studs?” is a high priority. (It’s been searched on a lot lately.) Apparently, aubreysabala.com offers advice on “how to make your boyfriend want you aphrodesiac”, to which I reply, why is he your boyfriend if he doesn’t want you?

Oh, the power of the WORLD WIDE WEB (with emphasis as my darling Mom still says it). It brings people together. It provides you the answers of some of life’s greatest questions, such as “how long is Kirk Herbstreit” and why “Tucker Max [is a] drunk asshole alpha male”. It has events like “Miss Jumbo Queen 2003” (this one offended me, I must say) and many, many people are searching on “drunk girls threesome pictures.” (What do you all do all day, surf for porn?)

Still, most of my traffic is pretty relevant, at least the ones coming from Google. My name IS “Aubrey Sabala”, I DID dress up as “Aubrey Hepburn” and I DO talk about being “Hungover”, living in “Atlanta” and “Writing a Book.” I AM friends with “Sarah Hatter” and DID mention “Underwater Handstands” (at least I think I did!), and yes, I suppose I DID flash the crowd after my dress fell down from riding the “Mechanical Bull.” Isn’t my life exciting? Can you barely wait to see what’s next?

Yeah. Me neither. And though I hate to break it to you, as hard as you try, as much time you spend searching my archives, you are never, NEVER going to find a picture of “Aubrey Sabala’s Boobs.” (Though I’m flattered, really.)