The whiteboard to my left has my “Queue,” the never-ending stream of work that, despite making very fulfilling checks next to some items, continues to grow in scope as it exponentially increases the magnitude of my omnipresent headache. The bottom left corner is another type of queue, and it too continues to grow in length while also adding to my stress. It’s the “Presents” list, and it is currently an ignominy to the good Sabala name (if that does, in fact exist.)

My friends, all ten of you, I’m sorry.

The list spans back to November 2, 2002, which is the first event on the list that I still owe a present for. I know they say that you have a year from the date of the wedding to give the happy couple a present, and alas, I’m pushing two. So Laura & Jay, I promise, it’s coming.

It’s pretty difficult to locate a registry nearly two years later; I know from experience. And when you DO finally find one, you’re met with the choice between a hundred dollar meat fork and a hundred dollar soup ladle. Sexy, these beyond-belated presents are not.

I don’t ever MEAN to be so late on the presents. It’s just that by the time the wedding comes around, it’s usually one of three for that month, and I refuse to show up with a $25 gift certificate for Crate & Barrell. Because basically, that’s what my budget allows. So it ends up on my list, and each month I PROMISE myself that I really WILL buy a nice gift for my friends and each month, I end up with an Ad Velorum tax, an Income Tax bill, or something ridiculous like an adorable boy leaving for business school, thus prompting a fabulous going-away present. (I know, I know, priorities.) As such, my list remains intact.

And so I offer my formal apologies to: Jay & Laura, Alex & Betsy, Jessica & Jakob, Beth & Andreas, Mindy & Mike, Sarah & Brant & Baby Ella, and Eric & Amy & Baby Eva. Carianne & Scott and one on the way, Lauren & Michael and bun in the oven, and Lelia & Bradley – kids, I’m gonna break this evil streak and get your presents to you on time.

For real.