I’m ready for it to be second-nature, for me to have to remind myself that I feel this way. I’m tired of it being on the front of my mind, being the thing I think about when I’m trying not to think about anything. I think that one day, maybe soon, maybe not, it won’t be so omnipresent, won’t be the elephant in the room, won’t be the thing that I think about that I’m just so tired of thinking about.

I’ve never been a patient person; that’s pretty obvious. I’m a bit flighty in a responsible way, but despite my impetuousness there’s a loyalty about me that I just can’t shake. It’s that loyalty that makes me try and be irresponsible, a fly-by-night sort of person, but grounds me at the end and keeps me from succeeding.

Time heals all wounds, they say, but sometimes it takes too long. Sometimes you want it to be six months from now, to fast forward the meantime to get to where you may be, wanting to read the proverbial last page in the book just to make sure that it turns out all right. To know what will happen, to assure yourself that you’re doing the right things, feeling the right way.

But of course you can’t, and it all remains with me like a silent companion until that day, maybe soon, maybe not, when it will all make sense in the resolution.