The end of a relationship, whether you’ve been dating eight weeks, months, or even years, is always hard – that’s why they call it ‘breaking up.’ It’s not only the separation of two lives formerly intwined, but it’s also changing your mindset on what the future will bring. It’s only natural for us to incorporate our ‘special someone’ into hopes and dreams…I wouldn’t be the first person to figure out my ‘future initials’ if one of my relationships were to become ‘official.’ (Any girl who denies this practice is lying.) But it’s not all that extreme…it’s birthday (or Christmas) presents, it’s weddings, it’s those subtleties that makes you plan for TWO people when you’re cooking, not just one. And, after a breakup, you find yourself dining alone again.
I recently watched that REALLY bad movie “Before Sunrise”, and – amazingly – Ethan Hawke has a great line in it. He’s discussing exactly this with his co-star Julie Delpy, and says:
“You know what the worst thing is about somebody breaking up with you? It’s when you remember how little you thought about the people that you broke up with and you realize that is how little they’re thinking about you. You like to think that you’re both in all this pain, but really they’re just ‘hey, I’m glad you’re gone.’ ” Sad, but true.
Time does heal all wounds, and I’m happy to say that feelings – both joy and pain – eventually numb. It’s human nature, self-protection, for us to be wary when new relationships begin…once bitten, and all. Navigating the post-breakup dating scene is precarious…you always wonder if you’re keeping your guard up a bit too much, or are taking past habits, issues, or assumptions unknowingly into this next phase of our life. Figuring out the balance is essential. And yet, despite any ‘baggage’, any unjustified assumptions or expectations, sometimes you have to trust yourself, your instincts, because even though the person has changed, finding yourself making the same excuses is harsh reality telling you that perhaps you’re right back where you started from.