I’ve been talking to my exes.
No, not talking in the ‘let’s get back together’ sort of way, nor in the ‘hey baby, it’s 3am…wanna come over’ variety either. Enough time has passed with these certain individuals that I know that both of those situations are not only unlikely, but ill-advised. But on the same note, enough time HAS passed where a phone call isn’t seen as an invitation, nor a suggestion of anything; rather, it’s seen for what it is. A call to say ‘hello’, to see how they’re doing, to catch up with someone who once played a huge role in your life. And it’s from talking to these very people that I realized something – that, after the drama has died down, all the tears have dried and the dust has settled on the love-long-gone, they often hold the key to your future. Thus I mandate that all relationships need an “EX-it Interview”
Similar to a debrief after a very important corporate meeting where all details are discussed and rehashed to help you prepare the deliverables and meet future & current expectations, the “EX-it Interview” is equally important to YOUR future. The ex, whether a former adulterer or boring dud, holds valuable information that you need, things that can help you going forward, can prevent you from making the same mistakes. As long as you’re on good terms (or heck, even solid footing) with said ex, I’ve personally begun to realize how helpful they can be. (Now if only they were that helpful when you were dating…but that’s another story for another time.)
Yes, I’ve been talking to my exes lately, only to find that I remember some things much differently than they do. They remember the the football game; I remember crying afterwards. They remember the beach; I remember carting all the stuff to and fro by myself and getting frustrated. But they remember a few other things – they remember talking on the phone until the wee hours of the night, and the nickname they always called me that I had since forgotten. They remember the road trips, the times we would sit out on the deck drinking while the sun went down, cracking ourselves up over nothing. And its in these “EX-it Interviews” where you have the chance to ask questions about yourself in the past, the “was I overly insecure when we dated” or “did you think I was jealous” type of questions. The things that really matter, the things that you’re trying to avoid in your current relationship, the things that if you knew you were doing them, you’d stop, the things you really need to know.
So yes. I’ve been talking to my exes. I’m just not sure I’m ready for the latest “EX-it Interview.” Not yet, at least.