Chaotic Homeostasis

When I was little, I loved to go to the fair. Remember that this was long before The Simpsons propagated the “Carnie” sensation and parents didn’t realize that the rides were anything but safe, so really, don’t use this against me in court should I ever be accused of being a redneck. (Besides, we called them ‘hillbillies’ in Ohio.) Anyway, every year the fair would come to town and all the kids would beg their parents to take them to ride on those now-known-to-be-deathtrap rides, and they inevitably relented, if only to shut us up for a few minutes. So we’d anxiously pile into the hatchback-esque car with our best pals, eager to get to the land of endless saturated fat and sugar (or, as we saw it, kid heaven.)

We’d ride the rides…the Spinner, the Tornado, the Himalaya, each one guaranteeing the elated child at least a minute of pure terror and excitement. Our bodies catapulted right, left, up, down, and despite our pseudo defiance of gravity, we returned (relatively) unscathed to the unmoving ground below, weaving and swaying and waiting for the world to stop spinning.

I remember that feeling well, and can only compare what I’m going through these days to that topsy-turvy sensation when you get off one of those rickety carnival rides. Whereas before you were being spun into oblivion at speeds illegal in most states, you’ve returned to reality where the spinning is all in your head and everyone else around you thinks your bobbing and weaving walk is a little bizarre. After all, they weren’t on the Matterhorn and don’t realize that the aftermath causes your reality to be different from theirs, if even for a short time.

And so it might seem bizarre to you, too, that in any time of calm I feel out of sorts, since for so long I’ve lived in a Matterhorn-esque state. I’ve been working and writing and going and doing and seeing and traveling and talking and joining and attending and any other verb that would convey the opposite of what I’m doing right now; namely, not very much. It’s a time of transition, this ‘old job done, new job starting’ when I’m still trying to figure out just what is expected of me and sort of running in circles trying to discern this information. Also, things at home have been settling down a little, what with darling Miss Lila *FINALLY* nailing the housetraining down pat (even if she does bark at the wrong door, at least she’s barking as a signal.) And so in the midst of the whirlwind that was my life as of late, I’ve entered a time of relative calm, knowing full well that I should enjoy my acclimation to a slower pace since, without a doubt, I’ll soon be getting back on the Tilt-a-Whirl to return to my chaotic homeostasis. Right where I like it.