I hadn’t meant to write this post, hadn’t meant to talk about this because really, it’s not that surprising. I kind of wish it was more surprising than it was, but alas, if I’ve learned anything in these nearly 29 years I’ve walked this Earth it’s that people don’t change. Let’s add emphasis: PEOPLE. DO. NOT. CHANGE. I used to want them to, used to expect life to end up like TV and movies and right always wins and those happy endings? Yeah, I thought they were possible. But not anymore. I’ve seen too much, lived through too much, and though this post is supposed to be lighthearted and talk about my crazy beach week(end) and post the pictures that are truly a blast, it was a guise, a placeholder until I deemed it appropriate to write about what I’m ending up writing about. No need for a filibuster here because, as I said before, I’m not that surprised and whether I care or not right now doesn’t really matter because I CAN’T care. It’s funny, when you know you really can’t care and shouldn’t be surprised, it makes it easier. You wouldn’t think that would be the case but in this instance, it is.
I’m writing about this because the song popped into my head, that old song by Sinead O’Connor that most of you don’t know but I do, a song that I hadn’t listened to or thought of in years…the song that goes:
Today’s the day
Our friendship has been stale
And we will meet later to finalize the details
Two years ago the seed was planted
And since then you’ve taken me for granted
But this is the last day of our acquaintance
I will meet you later in somebody’s office
I’ll talk but you won’t listen to me
I know your answer already.
I said it to someone last weekend: life doesn’t often shock me. And as dismal and fatalistic as it sounds, neither did this.
I don’t even wonder when, nor if. It affects me (dare I say hurt?) but soon it won’t. Each day I’ll care less and less and while I can acknowledge it’s a shame, I accept it for what it is: the future, as it should be. If only I were less jaded; but in fact, I don’t know how I could be. This has happened before, and even before that…but I won’t let it happen again. My shell, it’s back. And this time I think it’s here to stay.
This is the last day of our acquaintance.