California Dreaming on Such a Winter’s Day

Back in September when I had Whooping Cough (I know – WHO GETS WHOOPING COUGH? Um, yeah. Me.) I was so sick that they gave me not one, but TWO prescriptions of Cough Syrup with Codeine since I didn’t sleep for nearly two weeks. (They also gave me an inhaler, but that’s not nearly as fun. You’re supposed to brush your teeth directly after using it. Uh, what?) This cough syrup doesn’t just work, but it gives you some awesome side effects, my favorite being the quasi-lucid dreams it instigates. Note that I say "quasi" since I don’t really know if I’ve ever had a REAL lucid dream but I think this is pretty close to what I’d expect one to be like. Anyway.

Now, I’ve always been a pretty vivid dreamer anyway, and by ‘vivid’ note that I mean ‘really messed up, bizarre hour-long sagas that caused my college roommate to create a "no telling me your dream right when you wake up" rule’ dreams. Yeah. That type.  They often involve people from High School that I was certain I had forgotten, places from my past, and stairs. Not sure what it is about those stairs or, sometimes, ladders, but stairs are nearly always in my dreams and I’m unable to climb up them. It doesn’t take a dream therapist to guess that it MAY have something to do with my fear to take the next step, but who knows. I might just like multi-level buildings and their ascension devices. Again, ANYWAY.

Some of my recurring dreams involve me being back in High School or in college perhaps and I’ve not gone to some class because I’ve been too busy or didn’t feel like it or SOMETHING. They started out being the math anxiety dreams (I’d have missed nearly a semester of math class and have to prepare for my finals knowing nothing about the subject matter) but now can also involve English or another subject that I was actually competent in unlike that of the dreaded MATHS. In these dreams, whatever setting, I can’t find my locker…I honestly have no idea where it even is…and then on the rare occasion that I *DO* find it, I haven’t the slightest idea what the combination is. I then have to trudge down to the office to throw myself at the mercy of the secretaries who look at me like I really am a massive moron. I mean, who can’t find their locker? Duh. I have this dream, or some semblance of it, about three times a week. At least that’s as often as I remember it. While I used to be really stressed by the stupidity and frustration felt in the dream, now I just write myself off as a stupid moron who is probably going to flunk math and therefore not graduate and therefore not get a job at The Goog and then I go to the cafeteria to get those freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. Because, really, there’s no calories in dream cookies and damn, they are really, really good.

But enough about my normal (if you can even call them that) dreams…what I’m talking about today is how fabulous my dreams have been while taking my Codeine cough syrup this past week. OMG, seriously? They’re sagas. They’re full-length movies that the MPAA would have to cut down into various movies and assign different "R" (or in some cases,  NC-17)  ratings because they’re THAT LONG. They  have involved escalators (am not afraid to take those), Bergdorf’s Spring Marketing campaign starring my college sorority friends (and me being upset I wasn’t asked to be in it since the theme was "Blondes Have More Fun" and come on, that’s SO me), my friend Nicky, the putt-putt place I went to growing up, an orgasmic yoga class, my high school reunion (babies were allowed…um, no. Never.), not being able to find my hotel room in NYC, weddings, divorces, and a bizarre Christmas dinner with both of my parents where they ordered me Bouilliabaisse. News flash: I don’t like Bouillabaisse. Why would they order me that? Note that this was just one very, very small sampling of, say, one thirtieth of one dream. Sagas, I tell you, sagas.

What I’m saying here is that these dreams are FUN! I’m even (sometimes) knowledgeable that I’m actually dreaming, so when Lila Belle starts snoring and wakes me up, I’m able to fall right back asleep and begin again! Like that whole thing about my newest crush and the hot tub? GOT RIGHT BACK INTO IT, YO.

While I’m not one to engage in recreational drugs, I really think some pharmaceutical company out there should market this as a way to enjoy your dreams again. Come up with a catchy name, market it to the insomniacs and light sleepers alike, and voila! Instant success. In the meantime, I’m SO rationing that cough syrup and may need to see a doctor to perhaps get a refill. I mean really, the hot tub dream? HOT.

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