I sit and try to write, with the sun going down over Twin Peaks. It’s cold today, has been cold all week, and my iPod dulls my senses with a quiet ballad that makes me think of days past. Makes me think of who I was when I loved this song, full of hope and optimism and big eyes and even bigger ideas for the future. The song details a story of a couple, one of which who goes away in the midst of either an altercation or a difficult time, and returns without any answers. Her partner responds “you had time”, and it reminds me that time isn’t the salve that we wish that it was. Time is used as a substitute for a solution too often; time heals all wounds, it gets better with time, and so on. And yet time is just the mere passing of days and though the clock ticks and the calendar continues to turn, things sometimes remain the same.
Or perhaps we’re not noticing the subtle changes…sure, we notice the temperature changing and the seasons passing but we may miss those less obvious differences. The way his glance is colder than it once was, more fleeting. The fact that she doesn’t think of you the first thing in the morning when she awakens to an empty bed, instead snuggling down to grasp fifteen more minutes of rest before the day must begin. Some of these changes you don’t know because you can’t see them, can’t hear them in the lilt of a voice or a passing glance. Some of these you don’t know because you WON’T see, won’t hear, that things are changing, that things have already changed, and you’re the last to know. And some of these you don’t know because you’re gone.