So here’s the thing. The well has run dry. I’m all crushed out.
With nary a soul in my irreverantly proverbial ‘spank bank’, it’s time for a fill-up. I’ve clearly been a) too busy b) too grouchy c) too picky (or all of the above) in the last few days/weeks/months to find myself an acceptable crush. And now, in crunch time, I’m finding myself heading towards impending disaster if I continue on the "almost-about to-nearly there" quasi-crush path that I’m finding myself treading down. Trust me, people, this almost-crush is so unsuitable, it makes Tucker Max look like an angel. (OK, that’s maybe a bit too harsh. But just a bit.) It’s due time for me to get off Rogue Road and Cad Court and yes, Asshole Avenue as well and take the less-bumpy path of Suitable Suitor Street.
So alas, I’m on a mission for kissin’ as being crushless is a boring, boring life. Though, similar to shopping in that when you’re looking for a great dress for that upcoming wedding, you can never find it, actively seeking a crush almost entirely guarantees their absence. That’s why you buy a cute dress when you find it, knowing that some event will come up for which to wear it and why it’s a bad, BAD idea to let your crush well run dry. You should always have SOMETHING in your back pocket, a man (or four) waiting in the wings.