I’m a fidgeter.
I fidget, I flit, I fret.
Fidgetophiles, world over, I am your kin.

I remember a magazine saying that fidgeters burn something like 100 additional calories per day, based solely on the fact that they can’t sit still. Hmm – I think that allows me an extra french fry or two, don’t you? Still, I wonder if I’ve always been like this. I know I can out-multi-task anyone (a challenge you don’t want to engage me in since I’m confident I’d win), but me as a fidgeter…when did that come about?

As I sit at my desk, my head swimming with so many thoughts, I find myself tapping my foot to “The Battle Hymn of the Republic”, just one of many oh-so random tunes that go through my head each day and cause me to have a rhythm in my step, in my foot tapping, and in the rest of my fidgets. Glory, Glory Hallelujah, indeed.

I wasn’t one of those kids with ADD, driving teachers to their wit’s end with the inability to sit still. No, I was a model student, minus that whole “pulling down the overhead screen and it falling off of the hooks and almost onto my head thus sending me to stand in the hall like the much-despised hooligans while I cowered in embarrasment” third grade incident. It’s only recently that I’ve found myself being the fidgeter that some (hopefully many) of you know and love (ok, I suppose ‘like’ will suffice.) And it’s taking over my life.

I can’t sit still, both literally and figuratively.

I’m a social gal, we all know it. I love to entertain, have parties and people over for dinner (ordered in, of course) and even a girl’s night with “Sex and the City” or “Alias.” My colloquial dance card, in fact, is usually quite full. I gripe about this on occasion, and lately, on many occasions, citing my long hours at work a source of my exhaustion. “Why don’t you take it easy this weekend?”, they say. “Stay in. Rest. Get some sleep.” And each weekend, I invariably try to do exactly that, to no avail. I literally can’t sit still, half afraid that I’d be missing the next ‘big thing’ but more feeling guilty about doing nothing.

There is peace in silence, lessons in solitude. Cutting out the distractions allows you to hear your inner voice, that quiet, guiding intuition that directs your decisions and your path. I know this, I like this, I long for this. But I don’t, for some reason, allow myself to have it very often. By sitting still, taking it easy, I feel like I’m wasting precious time.

I realize that I treat my life like my bank account. If I have, say, $600 in my account, I think of all the things I can buy to use every single penny of that, taking it down to nearly zero. I see it as the MAXIMUM that I can spend, and do so accordingly. The same with my life – if I have a weekend free, I fill it up. I’m applying the principle of exhaustion to both my bank account and my life. In both cases, I’m the one who’s going to suffer.

Basically, I’m tired. I need to recharge my batteries, take it easy, slow down. I need to go to bed earlier, concentrate on staying healthy, take care of myself. Yes, I’m still (relatively) young, but I’m wearing myself out.

Happy Hour on Thursday, anyone?