We all have our ‘types’ – mine is a dark, curly-haired non-goateed scruffily-bearded (or at least 5-o’clock shadowed) lad who finds me incomparable. Why this has come to be who I usually gravitate towards is beyond me – I’ve dated the blonde, straight-haired demi-Gods that are what I SHOULD want to have blonde straight-haired kids (what I DO want) and for some reason, I keep returning to the darling dark-haired dudes.

Kerry made a list of the qualities that make up her “must-have” list, and I can definitely identify with many of them (especially #5 & #6 – oh hell, let’s be honest, #4 as well…) I’ve been asked this question many times in the not-so-recent past from guys, girls, my Mother, my Father, the postman, the lady behind me at the grocery store, and a talking dog. (Ok, am exaggerating, but you get my point.) What I want in a guy has become a oft-discussed topic of conversation, and started me thinking. After all, I can easily list what I don’t want in a guy but when it comes to saying just exactly what I DO want, it gets tricky.

I’ve dated a lot of people in my past, if by “dating” I mean “went out with once or twice, maybe smooched them but nothing more.” As for serious relationships, those can be counted on one hand. And while the former category contained tall, short, thin, not-so-thin, dark, light, American, non-American, smart, not-so-bright, straight, curly & receding varieties, the serious relationships, with one ill-advised choice, all were relatively dark with relatively curly hair. Is this a subconscious trait that I can’t overcome?

Genetic theories discuss how animals choose their mates, with one such theory saying that without realizing it, an animal (human included) will choose a mate whose genetic makeup will compensate for any abnormalities in their own. For instance, if I had a recessive gene making me prone to cancer later in my life, without ever knowing my own karyotype, I would subconsciously choose a partner who didn’t have this gene to allow our offspring to have the best chance of survival. Correspondingly, despite my insistence that I DO want little cute blonde children, I’m nearly guaranteeing that my forthcoming little-ones will have dark hair.

I’m straying from my point here, and let me add the disclaimer that any healthy child of mine will be perfect no matter how they look, but I do want to get into my own list of “likes” and “deal-breakers, ahem, dislikes.” So without further ado (and with the additional disclaimer that y’all aren’t allowed to tell me how crazy I may or may not seem to you), here’s the official Aubrey Attraction List, circa February 12, 2004:

To be considered dateable in Aubrey-land, you must, in no particular order:
1. Care about your friends and family
2. Be intelligent
3. Be comfortable being the center of attention, yet comfortable when I am
4. Understand how important my writing is to me, and be supportive of it
5. Want children, eventually
6. Have a skill or talent or cause you’re passionate about (props to Kerry for that one, but I’ve always said that)
7. Be lighthearted
8. Be open-minded
9. Think marriage is important, to be respected, and not something to be entered into lightly (again, eventually. I’m in no rush.)
10. Make me laugh

See? Not too bad of a list. Doesn’t cut into the 900,000 single men that are apparently hiding out somewhere in Atlanta (according to Atlanta Magazine) TOO much.

But now the deal-breakers. A friend of mine and I were talking about this during an evening full o’ Vodka Sodas + 2 Limes on what he considers a deal breaker and what I do. He brought up nipple hair (BIG deal breaker for him) among other traits, and inquired about mine. Apparently, I’m a bit more flexible than I had thought. (In the deal-breaker arena; in the true meaning of flexibility, well, trust me on this one, I know where that stands.) So I give you the Aubrey Un-Attraction List, also circa today:

1. Back hair. Sorry, neanderthals of the world, just get that shit WAXED. And don’t tell me about it.
2. Close-minded & judgmental. Had that. Don’t want it again.
3. Unfaithful. See reason #2 above.
4. Current drug problem. I’ve lived through a quasi-alcoholic denial, and it scares me. Don’t want to go through that again.
5. Goatees. Sorry, please shave it, and you’ll be in the running.

Now, I’m sure there’s some more on each of the lists, but I’m interested in hearing from YOU. What is on your must-have list? What do you consider a deal-breaker? If you want to post anonymously or under a fake name, go for it, but I wanna know.

Comment away.