I like to think that I’m a bad ass. A hard ass, if you will. But really, I’m not. I’m not even a moderately soft ass…I’m basically a wuss. And it’s got to stop.
I’m sure this revelation might surprise you all, but – sadly – it’s true. You see, I talk a great game. Piss me off, and I’ll get mad. Not at you, however, more behind your back. I’ve figured out that I really hate confrontation, so while I’d like to tell you where to shove it or where to go, I’ll likely give a bit of dissention, but appease you. Then, shut my door, and my poor officemate has to hear me bitch about what a such-and-such you were being when you asked me to do this-or-that. I. HATE. THIS. I HATE being wishy-washy, for feeling like I’m being walked all over, even when I’m not. I know, I know – pick your battles, but too often I feel like I’m letting things slide, letting things remain unsaid.
There’s a song by Cyndi Thomson called “What I Really Meant To Say” about a girl lamenting holding back her true feelings when running into an ex. Instead of telling him that she’s still in love, that she’s never gotten over him, she tells him that she’s fine. Then, like I find myself doing more and more these days, she finds herself berating herself for what she really wanted to say. What she held back. And though I think I say pretty much what I mean when it comes to cute boys that are ridiculously thoughtful for my birthday, I find myself biting my tongue at work and letting things slide.
There’s a fine line between being assertive and being a bitch, especially as a woman. I’ll admit, our office has some very strong personalities, so learning how to work together with everyone took some time. It’s because of this, I think, why I often opt to withhold pushing back as much as I’d like, why I avoid doing things that could incite possible confrontation. In the meantime, though, I see myself turning into a ‘pleaser’, a pushover. Which is something I loathe in others.
So I’m working on it. I’m trying to be more assertive, more direct, and tackle things head-on instead of letting them fester. I mean, I do this in relationships, why can’t I do it at work?
And yet this one line in the song keeps running through my head over and over again…
“What I really meant to say,
Is I’m really not that strong.”
AubreySabala.com 
Wow, I’m the exact opposite. I can let a friend slide by with something stupid, or let a stranger go on and on about something they’re totally wrong about, because it’s really no skin of my back. But I don’t tolerate the crap at work. At work, being wrong costs money, and you bet you’re butt I’m gonna speak up.
It’s one thing when you let it slide that someone cheaped out on dinner, but a totally different thing when somebody makes a bad decision at work. The way I figure it, they pay you to express your opinion, stand up for your beliefs, and make sure things get done right, even if that means yelling at someone in a conference room. If they want someone who simply does what they’re told without asking question or knowing why, they can just grab somebody off the street.
AS-
Well you are definitely not alone in trying to put up the facade that you are tough. When it comes to controvery, I talk thee BEST game- just not to the people I should be talking to.
Maybe that’s why you, me and others keep blogs? So that they can use it for the occasional vent and be themselves without consequence? It’s a somewhat passive agressive way of dealing with true emotions, but at least it’s out there and you are somewhat shielded from
I am always admiring those who can say what’s on their mind and do it without compromise, especially at work. I want to be like that someday and I think it’s just a matter of observing how others do it…and learning from there.