Change is scary. It seems to happen in waves, when all of a sudden you look around and realize that basically everything around you is in flux, and yet you’re stuck in the middle of the chaos, the veritable eye of the storm.
I’ve been somewhat lax in my posts as of late, caught up in my whirlwind of what is and what will be, the past, present and future. Trying to handle the current windstorm while battening down the hatches for the ones to come, so that when they arrive, I’ll somehow remain safe and sound, protected from the storm.
Welcome to my little hurricane.
That’s not to say that things aren’t good, because, on a high level, the 20,000 foot view, they’re all just fine. Viewing a storm from space always dwarfs it from reality, as it just appears to be a pretty cyclone cloud, making its counter-clockwise rotation in near perfect spirals. Yet when you’re on the coast and the storm is coming, gaining speed and intensity, you hope you’ve done everything you can to be prepared.
That’s what I’m banking on.
When I see so many things changing, my first reaction is to want to jump on the bandwagon myself, act on my impetuous nature, run away and make rash decisions and shake things up myself, just so I can relate to the fear and excitement that these people close to me are experiencing. They’re moving up, moving on, moving away, and the jealous part of me wants that for myself as well. I become fixated on the stagnant nature of things in my life – the promotion I didn’t get, the house that I still live in, the weddings I’m again going to alone – instead of looking at all of the things that ARE changing…the karate classes I’m taking, the excitement of my company going public, the vacation I’m taking for myself, just to name a few. These things, these are the metaphorical tools that I’m using to batten down my metaphorical hatches so I don’t have to think about the fact that I’ve four close friends move away in the last month, with another few (the hardest ones yet) just around the corner.
Because no matter how much I can prepare, I just really, really am going to miss them. And finding yourself in the middle of the storm alone is scary.
AubreySabala.com 
I’m sorry to hear your going through all of this. I hope the storm passes soon!
Don’t ever forget that your bestest friend of all is always here for you!!!!!!!! Maybe not with great answers, but always ready to listen.
Sometimes you just have to let “the sad” run it’s course.
XOXOXOXOXOXOX
I too slowly watched all of my good friends move on to pursue something they couldn’t find near me.
And the cliche rings so true: you really don’t know how good you’ve got it until it’s all gone.
It seemed so easy to make friends when I was younger. But I’m no longer living in a college town with an abundance of like-minded peers. This small rustbelt city has shown me noone I’m interested in getting to know very well.
That last bit is a cheap excuse. The truth is I was never very good at being anyone’s friend and I was very lucky to share the company of the people who put up with me. I’ll have to change if I ever hope to build new friendships.
I don’t really subscribe to fate, but this is my first visit to this site and today’s post is going to have me soul searching for some time. Thank you.
Look around. You’re not really alone in the middle of the storm. It’s the one’s who are caught up in the cyclone that are alone. And they’ll need your support to help them find solid ground again.
Bob Dylan always said it best. 🙂
I’ve been reading your page for months now … I adore it. I found you through random shesheme searches. (I’m a huge fan) I can not figure this type pad crap out. HELP.