Practice makes perfect. At least in some areas. When it comes to dating, however, I tend to doubt this theory somewhat.

That’s not to say that dating isn’t beneficial; on the contrary! You learn a ton about yourself, about who you are, what you want, and – more importantly at times – what you DON’T want. Still, dating comes inherent with habits from ghosts of love past – the catch phrase-y ‘baggage’ that everyone is looking to avoid. And despite your best intentions, despite learning from your (and others’) mistakes, some of the ‘residuals’ are impossible to avoid.

Take expectations. If someone was dating, let’s say, a guy who was non-committal, ANY instance of commitment in a new relationship is going to affect them one of two ways: either they’ll find it a refreshing, fabulous change (imagine -a guy who wants to see you! Wants to spend time with you! Calls you when he wants to talk to you!) or else they’ll run in the other direction. (Thankfully, I fall into the former group, but that’s not to say that I haven’t found myself in the latter in years – and relationships – gone by.) Or if you were dating someone who wasn’t clear with his intentions – or emotions, for that matter – which caused you to become more overly analytical than even your typical type-A nature provides, you may end up taking this into the next relationship and over-analyzing even the most innocent of comments. And that, my friends, is where the true concern lies.

There’s no real way to separate past experiences from current (or future) ones – who you are as a person is highly a result of your life and experiences thus far (the whole ‘nurture’ in the nature vs. nurture debate.) It’s these very life lessons that provide you with the wisdom, the strength, the determination to go after what you’re looking for, to avoid repeating mistakes made in the past. And yet there are times that you wish you could turn off your mind, turn off the over-thinking, the ‘should I call?’, ‘should I email?’ sort of thoughts that make you feel like the very success of this – or any – relationship is actually dependent upon this solitary action. As if this decision is going to determine whether or not this goes anywhere, or ends up again in the ‘been there, kissed that’ barrel.

Take a step back.

We’ve already discussed my thoughts on fate or destiny or whatever you want to call it today. Regardless of the moniker, the fact is that I truly believe that things DO happen for a reason, people come and go, and things really DO turn out the way they are supposed to.

So really, instead of concentrating on what COULD happen, what you COULD screw up, how this MIGHT affect everything, wouldn’t it be more fun just to enjoy it while it’s happening?

I say yes.

2 thoughts on “Residuals

  1. Yes, it definitely would be more fun to “just enjoy it while it’s happening”, but the very nature of a type “A” is one of logical order, reasoning, goal setting, and accomplishment. Therefore, it’s contrary to believe one could just “let go”, and still be type “A”. Sure we can act like it on the surface, and we can swear to ourselves up and down that this time will be different; that we won’t wonder about everything they say or do, (or what we say or do for that matter). But the truth be told, “it is who we is”, and underneath the calm, cool, collected exterior we’ll be boiling with uncertainty. Order and structure rules a type “A” personality, which makes “getting lost” in a relationship difficult, henceforth making relationships in general difficult. Sometimes the best way to change (if the desire is there to do so) is to shock the system. Do something unordered and illogical; make it a point to go against what you feel and break the type A-ness…
    But the whole point of being in a relationship is to find someone you click with, based on who you are, not who you think you should be while in the relationship. I say pick up the phone and call if you want to. Email em’ if the urge strikes.
    Often times we hold back for fear of making a mistake when in reality the biggest mistake is, in fact, holding back.

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