It was six years ago. I had just switched jobs within Google, and since I had just bought a house in Atlanta, I was adamant that I wouldn’t move to San Francisco for the role, even though they were asking me to. We worked out a deal…I would come for six weeks to help get Google Analytics underway, and then six-month-old Lila Belle and I would head back to Atlanta to do the job from there.

And that six weeks turned into six amazing years living in San Francisco. Six years that are culminating with me bidding this fantastic city farewell in five short days.

It’s bittersweet, this move. I have loved so much about my time here; have been so very grateful for the experiences and the people and the opportunities that I don’t think any other city would have afforded me. I’ve built a relationship with this city, one of give & take, of mutual respect. I can’t be more sincere when I say I LOVE San Francisco. But in the past few months, I’ve felt this relationship change a bit. I liken it to a romance…you have the honeymoon years when everything is shiny and new and the passion and fervor is palpable. You then settle into the relationship; you’re happy. You’re content. You have everything you’ve ever wanted. And somehow, as months and years pass, you notice some cracks in the relationship. Little things that begin to mar the memories and the brilliance of your love. You find yourself being short-tempered and frustrated over things that once would have slid off your back. Little arguments pop up. And become more frequent. And then there’s the breaking point, that no-turning-back argument where you say something you never thought you’d say to the other person, doing irreparable damage, turning bitter and cruel and you can’t believe the words came out of your mouth but know that once they were said, they could never be unsaid. You’re staring at this person who you love so very much, who you now realize you once loved, and you have turned something perfect and amazing and beautiful into something hateful and painful and tragic.

I don’t want that to happen with San Francisco. I refuse to find myself in a situation where I resent this city that has been so amazing to me. I want to gracefully part ways with it when I can continue to feel love for all that it is, even if I may no longer be IN love with it. I want to keep this city in my heart and let it be a place that I may one day return to, refuse to burn that proverbial – or, given our architecture in San Francisco – magnificent bridge.

So when people ask me why I’m leaving, that’s the explanation I give. I’m not running from anything here…not a relationship nor a job…and neither am I running TOWARDS anything in NYC. I’m going because it’s time, because I want to let my love for San Francisco retain an unequaled place in my heart while making room for something new. 

This Friday, I’m boarding a 6:30am flight to New York. On a one-way ticket. My dog Lila Belle will be with me by my side in the cabin to lick my hand as I likely try to maintain my composure, though fully anticipate being in tears for most of the flight. I’m saying goodbye to friends, to people I love, to people I once loved, to my amazing roommate, to my house, and to this city, and doing so with 100% confidence in my decision, though with a heavy heart and tears in my eyes.

The beginning of the end spent w/so many places & people. Grateful. Humbled. Excited. Inspired. Terrified. In love with so much I’m leaving.

It was a black tape recorder, the type that had six buttons at the bottom and one place for you to insert the tape. It had a handle; I remember this as I had to hold tight to it while my other hand gripped the staircase so I wouldn’t trip over the hem of my nightgown. The microphone attachment dragged behind me, a sure giveaway to my parents as I attempted to quietly descend the stairs. It was early, these mornings; I’ve always been an early riser.

I’d sneak downstairs, not because I wasn’t allowed to, but because I didn’t want to awaken my parents. I had a task at hand; a very important one, at that. I had to practice.

Sitting on the rust-colored carpeting in my living room, I’d line up everything just so. The second, silver, fancy tape recorder positioned just under the bench, its short cord taut as it was plugged into the only freestanding outlet in the room. Black tape recorder beside it, microphone firmly gripped in my right hand. The tape was queued up perfectly. When all was ready, I’d hit “play” and “record” concurrently. It was time.

The first notes of “Greatest Love of All” started playing, and I began what became a Saturday morning ritual; creating a makeshift karaoke machine (recorded on tape, no less**) where I would belt out Whitney Houston songs. Loudly! Off-key! But with passion and fervor…God, I loved me some Whitney. I was convinced that I had a future on the stage, and damnit, I was diligent in practicing.

I was also awful. It only got more abysmal through puberty, and to this day while I can still cover a pretty impressive high C note, I’m for all intents and purposes painfully tone deaf. 

So, I shifted focus. If I couldn’t SING the songs, at least I could know what songs were good. I started making mixtapes. I’d first sit, listening to the radio for hours, tapedeck in hand, praying that the DJ wouldn’t talk over the beginning of the song. Years later, I got a stereo with TWO tapedecks, so I could record an actual mix from my beloved tape singles. (Like ‘More Than Words’ by Extreme. AKA, the song I listened to approx. 30 times while getting my first kiss. Hi, Jon McConnell.) When I went to college, I’d make these mixes and send to my friends in other schools. And these days, I spend a little time each month compiling all of the songs I’ve listened to the most and turning them into a mix; started yearly, and is now (always belatedly) monthly.  

While it may not be Whitney Houston’s Greatest Hits, I’m at least sparing you my offkey warble and hopefully introducing you to some new music. 

For your listening pleasure, here’s all the mixes***, now in one place. 

Best of 2007
Best of 2008
Best of 2008: B-Sides
Best of 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
October 2010
November 2010
December 2010
Best of 2010
January 2011
February 2011
March 2011
April 2011
May 2011
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011 
September 2011
October 2011
November 2011
December 2011 

**If the evidence of this ignominy somehow surfaces for my wedding, I’m disowning both of my parents. 

*** As always, these mixes are to give you a sample of some of the music I love. They are NOT a replacement for purchasing the music, be it CD, Vinyl, or tapes. (Do they still make those?) Your – and my – favorite artists make their living from creating and selling their music; please support them by your purchase.

Last August, I was in the midst of a transition. I knew that a few things in my life were about to change; there were these impending life moments where I anticipated that, whichever way it turned out, good or bad, there was no going back. 

I was right. It wasn’t nearly as angsty or horrible or painful as I had thought – or perhaps time numbs that pain – but I look back to last year and think “Yeah, August…that was one hell of a month.” And so I called the mix, with a nod to Adam Duritz & his magnificent dreds, “August…and everything after.”

Fast forward twelve months and damn, here I am again, reliving history. This past August was, without a doubt, the month where I made more huge lifechanging decisions than ever before. Big ones, people, HUGE. Exciting and terrifying and unprecendented and awesome and, well, I’m not yet revealing them, but all in due time. ALL IN DUE TIME. 

And so like last year’s mix, I return to the same thought that it’s a defining time. And since this is being posted late (shocker!) and August has come & gone in a blaze of post-Mercury-retrograde glory, I’m simply titling it: …Everything After. The songs all have special meanings for me, but for this month, I’ll let them invoke their own stories for you. ENJOY.

1. For The One: WATERS
2. Teenage Wristband: The Twilight Singers
3. Woods: The Rosebuds
4. Lions in Cages: Wolf Gang
5. Junk of the Heart (Happy): The Kooks
6. Closer: Kings of Leon
7. Simple Math: Manchester Orchestra
8. Lucky Now: Ryan Adams
9. Lost In My Mind: The Head and the Heart
10. Fuck This Place: Frightened Rabbit
11. Strictly Game: Harlem Shakes
12. Turning Tables: Adele
13. Beth/Rest (Solo Piano Version): Bon Iver
14. Jar of Hearts (Live at Ocean Way Studios): Christina Perri
15. Wishing Song: The Airborne Toxic Event
16. Foreground: Grizzly Bear
17. Weather of a Killing Kind: The Tallest Man on Earth 

Last August, I was in the midst of a transition. I knew that a few things in my life were about to change; there were these impending life moments where I anticipated that, whichever way it turned out, good or bad, there was no going back. 

I was right. It wasn't nearly as angsty or horrible or painful as I had thought – or perhaps time numbs that pain – but I look back to last year and think "Yeah, August…that was one hell of a month." And so I called the mix, with a nod to Adam Duritz & his magnificent dreds, "August…and everything after."

Fast forward twelve months and damn, here I am again, reliving history. This past August was, without a doubt, the month where I made more huge lifechanging decisions than ever before. Big ones, people, HUGE. Exciting and terrifying and unprecendented and awesome and, well, I'm not yet revealing them, but all in due time. ALL IN DUE TIME. 

And so like last year's mix, I return to the same thought that it's a defining time. And since this is being posted late (shocker!) and August has come & gone in a blaze of post-Mercury-retrograde glory, I'm simply titling it: …Everything After. The songs all have special meanings for me, but for this month, I'll let them invoke their own stories for you. ENJOY.

1. For The One: WATERS
2. Teenage Wristband: The Twilight Singers
3. Woods: The Rosebuds
4. Lions in Cages: Wolf Gang
5. Junk of the Heart (Happy): The Kooks
6. Closer: Kings of Leon
7. Simple Math: Manchester Orchestra
8. Lucky Now: Ryan Adams
9. Lost In My Mind: The Head and the Heart
10. Fuck This Place: Frightened Rabbit
11. Strictly Game: Harlem Shakes
12. Turning Tables: Adele
13. Beth/Rest (Solo Piano Version): Bon Iver
14. Jar of Hearts (Live at Ocean Way Studios): Christina Perri
15. Wishing Song: The Airborne Toxic Event
16. Foreground: Grizzly Bear
17. Weather of a Killing Kind: The Tallest Man on Earth