I’m a biology major. I concentrated in genetics, and had planned to be a genetic counselor. Instead, I went to graduate school for a new program at Georgetown entitled ‘Communications, Culture & Technology’, and twelve years later, here I am.

I mention this because over the course of the past few years, I’ve found myself sharing these facts a lot. I share this as some sort of de facto justification of my background, usually when talking about the field that I’m in: Marketing and Communications. And each time I say it, I’m surprised that I feel the need to. That I was intentionally communicating my ‘pedigree’, per se, in case this wasn’t inherently understood based on the role I play in technology. Because sadly, I don’t think it is. Despite the fact that I’ve worked at some of the best technology companies in the world, my role is perceived not as someone in tech, but someone in “tech light”. Which to me, where the issue of women in technology is often discussed these days – Rachel Sklar’s “Change the Ratio” movement & others come to mind – the conversation that I want to have is different. It’s not as much a gender issue, to me at least, as much as it is a job function issue and why some jobs – many of which are traditionally held by women – are perceived as less important than others.

Here’s the situation: Women are in tech in a very prevalent manner. I’ve seen this in every company I’ve worked for; from my first interactive agency to Booz Allen Hamilton, to Google, to Digg, to AOL to Facebook…I can go on. There are a LOT of women working in technology. Yet they’re often in a less “technical” role, serving as account managers and sales and in PR and marketing and communications. (I know this is a sweeping generalization, but it’s what I’ve seen in the industry for the last twelve years.) And just how there’s often the struggle between developers and sales, the “We make the product you sell, so you have a job” vs. the “we sell the product you make, so YOU have a job”, there also remains an understated perception of the value of the various roles. The fact that I want to emphasize is that all of these roles are needed. Developers. Designers. Sales. Marketing. Account Services. Administration. The very success of a product and a company requires all of these fields & functions to work together. 

How do we begin to change these perceptions, many of which have existed for years? I feel the first step is communication, thus this post. It’s not a finger-pointing exercise; instead, it’s sharing the knowledge of what each of these functions actually DOES. Yes, I think there can be much to be gained from learning to code, but I’d also suggest that raising awareness about the hard skills needed in a sales or marketing role – which yes, do exist – is also beneficial to the organization as a whole. To note, when I presented our company’s new messaging a few weeks back, I held a lunch & learn to the entire organization, and gave visibility on HOW we got to the resulting new messaging. This helps raise awareness across the team about not just the outcome of what we’re doing – especially in a role where the perception can be that we have the fun jobs or that we just eat up the majority of the budget – but also emphasizes the process that was taken to get there. 

I want to keep talking about this. I WILL keep talking about this. It’s not meant to be contradictory to working towards increasing the number of women in technical jobs; that is also something I highly support. And will continue to. But broadening the issue a bit, trying to get to the underlying issues that often get overlooked when the conversation turns to just one about gender, I feel will help get our industry in a place where there is better need, respect, and appreciation for all contributions to a team, gender notwithstanding.

I’ve found myself a bit irritated with people lately, and thought of perhaps writing a “How to deal with Aubrey to stay on her good side” post. Then, thinking further, figured I could expand it to “How to treat people” because, really, these aren’t huge life lessons. Nor are they independent to me. But there ones that in our daily life, often get forgotten or misplaced or looked over as we’re inundated with work and life and tasks and OMFG it is so hot outside right now. I get it, we’re busy, me included. And this is normal; I believe we all intend to treat people well, but sometimes we overcommit and lose sight of priorities and all of the other things that happen in daily life. And God knows I’m guilty of violating every single one of these suggestions, so know that this serves as a reminder for me more than anything else. So, on this hot nearly-summer NYC day, a quick reminder. 

Keep your plans. If you say you’re going to go to dinner with a friend, go to dinner with that friend. Make plans, and keep them. Disorganized? There’s this thing called a calendar. Adopt it. Make it your friend. It will help you. Of course, there are occasions when you will have to cancel (a mandatory work meeting, you’re sick, etc.) but try to make that the exception, not the rule. And if you’re prone to overcommitting, as I am, block out a few hours or a few nights a week for you. You can always change and ADD plans, but people’s feelings get hurt when they are getting cancelled upon. Makes them feel unimportant. Nobody likes that. 

Be on time. After you’ve upheld your plans with your friend, show up when you say you will. Many of us live in big cities with subway delays, traffic, unforeseen situations that will make you tardy. It happens, I get it. But account for that…leave 10 minutes earlier. Bring a book. Read your Twitter stream. Pretend it’s a job interview and act like you won’t get the job if you’re late. It’s always better to be early and bored than late & have irritated your friend. Constant tardiness makes it appear that you think your time is more important than theirs. Again, nobody likes that.

Give people the benefit of the doubt. This one is one I struggle with myself, as I – similar to most people – experience situations from our standpoint. We are the recipient of someone else’s behaviour. But what we’re actually seeing is merely one side of the story; for all we know, their dog may be sick. They may be running late for something. They may have gotten fired today. If someone is not kind or not courteous, try – and it’s HARD AS HELL – to assume the best in them and that they’re getting through the day the best they can. Instead of snapping at them, smile, and show them the kindness that you wish they had afforded to you.

Be honest. Nobody likes a liar. Yes, difficult conversations are termed that for a reason…they’re not easy. And yes, you may have to bend the truth many times a day. But then there’s the blatant lies…those are unnecessary. And they usually center around the fear of either having the conversation or the other person’s reaction. But if you’re worried about someone or upset with someone or frustrated with someone, have that conversation. As my friend told me today, people don’t always know what’s going on in your head. It’s your job to give them that insight, as difficult as it may be.

Have the hard conversations. I’ll share a little story. When I was younger (um, as recent as 3 years ago) I was petrified to have the DTR. You know, the Defining the Relationship conversation. What if he didn’t feel the same way? What if I was all vulnerable and opened up and said I cared for him only to feel stupid if he wasn’t interested in what I was? I far preferred the alternative; i.e., the nebulous, let’s keep moving forward and perhaps *he’ll* initiate the conversation when HE knows he is into me enough. Oh, silly Aubrey from three years ago, the time and sadness you could have saved yourself. Basically, trade the possible immediate pain and embarrassment for languishing months in a relationship when one of the people really wasn’t into it. You’re wasting your – and their – time. Time you could be using to do lots of other, better, more exciting things. (Or people. Heh.)

Don’t play games. Especially not with someone’s heart. Enough said.

Be present. Guilty as charged, my iPhone is often at the table during dinner or drinks. I urge you, as I’m trying to do, PUT. IT. AWAY. You are spending time with someone because you want to have conversations with them, want to be there with them. So BE THERE WITH THEM. Your iPhone can wait. That Tweet? Can wait. It’s a distraction. It chips away at the authenticity of your interaction. Try. Then try harder.

And last, but not least, Be kind. Be good. Try to do the right thing. Try to act like you are the role model for your child, even if you don’t have one yet. Act like your behaviour could be reported on the front page of the New York Times. Be thoughtful and proud of your actions. All of which are 100% impossible to do 100% of the time. But try to strive towards acting with integrity more frequently. Try to do better. Try to BE better. That’s something I’m working on myself, and by approaching life that way, I hope that the above tenets fade away and become inherent in the life I’m trying to lead. 

Seven months ago, I left San Francisco. I moved to New York for a lot of reasons, but mostly, because it was time to try something new. To be uncomfortable in my surroundings, to challenge myself with a newer (to me), harsher, harder city. To fulfill my desire to live in Manhattan before I got all domestic and did things like “settle down”, get myself hitched and have lots of babies. (LOTS.) I wanted to live in this city to see if I could do it.

I left a fabulous job at Facebook to fulfill this dream. Since then, I’ve chosen to try something new, to take on a consulting role at a large company (NASDAQ) and to start working with a handful of startups to guide them on their marketing & communications. I’ve enjoyed this; nay, I’ve loved it. It’s been incredibly fulfilling to work with talented, driven people to help build their product & community, to see the value & importance that they place in marketing. It’s been rewarding and it’s been fun and it’s been challenging and it’s been awesome. It taught me so much about how to start my own company while working with people who were starting their own as well. It reminded me how much I enjoyed working for startups in the past; I often wax poetic about the ‘good ol’ days’ at Digg. And so it was in that spirit that I decided to halt my plans to build out my marketing consultancy and chose to join a startup myself.

Today is my second day as the VP of Marketing for Sailthru, a New York startup who has built an unparalleled behavioural communications platform. As a marketer, I have personally gone through the drudgery of choosing & installing an email service provider. It’s timely, costly, and often you don’t get all of the features you were promised. (Lots of smoke & mirrors in this industry.) As an individual, I’m inundated by marketing emails that clutter up my inbox; there’s only a handful of them that I open, and the ones that I do are solely based on their relevancy to me (i.e., opt-in for concert reminders, awesome product curation from Fab, etc.) So when I was introduced to Neil Capel & we talked about what his team & company were building, I was immediately intrigued. In short, Sailthru is smart. REALLY smart. (So is Neil, and he has a lovely British accent, to boot.) Sailthru provides a platform for companies to communicate with their customers, and does so in a way that makes it relevant to them via email, on their websites & more. It solves my need as a marketer for efficient communication methods and solves my frustration as an individual because the content I’m consuming is actually relevant to me. In a world where we are quick to condemn email as a vile timesuck, I’d challenge that it’s not the communication method, but the content itself, that needs addressing. And as someone who makes her livelihood by helping to simplify & clarify communications, I’m psyched to be working with a platform that’s leading the industry to help do just that.

So this is what’s next, my next big adventure here in the greatest city in the world. And I couldn’t be more excited.

It all started with my friend Ryan McManus.

Ok, that’s not entirely true. It started many, many years before I had the pleasure of meeting Ryan; it started back when I was  younger, with a silver Casio boombox, Lite Rock 106.5 (don’t judge me, I was in CLEVELAND) and a Memorex tape. I realized that I could save my precious allowance if I recorded songs off of the radio instead of going to the local record store to purchase my favorite Bon Jovi singles. Problem was: the DJs had a nasty habit of talking over the beginning of the songs. Assholes.

Being the particular (read: Type-A, borderline perfectionist) person that I was (am), I would spend hours waiting for the song to come on without any DJ interruption, trigger finger ready to press record to capture every note of the tune. It’s safe to say that I stayed up much later in the evening in Middle School than I did even in college.

By mid-high school, I was recording mix tapes, often from the CDs of the people I babysat (god bless you, Dr. Horwood, with your introduction to Bruce Springsteen & Cowboy Junkies), interspersed with a few radio dubs. This of course evolved into a Napster obsession; I remember my first job after grad school having a “secret” Music server for people to share their MP3s. Oh, crappy audio quality of “Hooch”, you’ll forever be in my heart.

But back to Ryan. A few years back, we became friends and I ended up on his quarterly Mix Tape circuit, where he would curate with extreme care and precision a musical journey reminiscent of his feelings during those few months. He’d design beautiful cover art, and staying true to the days of when there was autoflip from Side A to Side B, there’s even that sound delineating the two sides of the tape. It was perfect. I’d look forward to them every few months, not just discovering new music through his exquisite taste, but feeling like I got to know my friend a bit better after sharing the musical experience with him. I was hooked. Add the experience of reading one of my favorite books, “Love is a Mixtape”, and I decided I wanted to not just make these mix CDs for myself, as I had been for years, but also share them with others. 

So at the end of 2007, I compiled – and shared – my first CD mixtape. I did the same the following year, adding a “B-Sides” as I couldn’t fit all of my favorites on one disk. Same with the next year. By 2010, I was attempting (and sadly, failing) of doing them monthly, but last year I accomplished my goal and created a different mix each month. You can find links to all of them here. 

I loved doing these. I received lovely, friendly notes from people all over the world thanking me for helping them discover new music. I have compiled all of them into a single iTunes playlist, and put on shuffle, it reminds me of the ups and downs, the highs and lows of the past few years. The songs that make me happy when I was caught up in the glow of falling in love. The excitement for my friends when their new albums were released. The unfaltering obsession with every song from The National to help me cope through a breakup. These songs, they were the force behind decisions, the salve to a wounded heart, the inspiration to move on. 

People often asked how I discover the music; during my time in San Francisco, I was attending a lot of live shows, often finding new music from the openers or through friends’ recommendations. I had a long commute for much of my time there, and SiriusXMU – Jake Fogelnest in particular – was my musical muse for many, many months. RDIO and Spotify, to some extent, have helped. But as I find myself in New York without a car and in shared spaces where people aren’t playing music – and also the challenge of writing while trying to listen to new tunes, which is really hard for me – this discovery has slowed down. I haven’t been finding new songs or albums as easily, and as such, I made the decision to halt the monthly mixtapes until the situation changed. This was done with a heavy heart, as they were as much for me as they were for you, but in my already overtaxed schedule, it just didn’t fit in anymore, at least not on a monthly basis.

So going forward, I’m going to suggest new music, just more sporadically; it may be a song on my other Tumblr, the mislabeled “Daily Tuneage” (since it’s anything but daily) or a shout-out on Twitter or Facebook, or a post here on this site. I’m certainly not a music critic but I do think I have a pretty good ear for tunes; I still want to share them with you, just in a different format. So stay tuned (Update: POSTED!), I’ll be posting one later today, one you won’t want to miss.