April 2005: It was a really stressful time – I hadn’t yet heard whether
or not I would be getting into UNC and I was frankly unfulfilled by my
backup schools (yes, plural – I really didn’t care where I went if it
wasn’t going to be Carolina) and leaving while I was in the midst of
this waiting game seemed to come at the exact WRONG time. While I was
genuinely excited about the trip – 21 of my classmates and I would be
heading to the Green River Valley to hike, camp, and raft for 10 days –
it was hard to leave the familiarity of my "rushing home from track
practice to look for that big white envelope" routine. Basically, I was
scared either way…if I stayed, at least I would know; if I left, I
wouldn’t have access to a phone for ten days which seemed torturous at
the time. (Remember, this was 1995, and cell phones weren’t the
addictive beasts they are today.) Despite that fear, I chose to take
the trip, realizing that it was out of my control. I think this was one
of the first times I was able to "let it go", learning (somewhat late)
that I can only do so much.
While in Utah, I was reading "The Celestine Prophecy", and while it
seemed somewhat trivial at the time, the more I continued to read, the
more fitting the messages seemed. I remember also missing home – my
Mom, specifically – and I found that one of the teacher chaperones on
the trip was not only also reading that book but reminded me of my Mom
in her soft-spoken, caring, wise way. (For those of you who haven’t
read "The Celestine Prophecy", it touches upon synchronicity, the "experience
of two or more events which occur in a meaningful manner, but which are
causally unrelated.") I found myself having meaningful, deep
conversations with this woman about the book, our camping trip, and
what the future would hold for me. Moreover, I found it captivating
that I was reading a book about synchronicity and finding myself in the
midst of that very experience, both in my locale and the presence of a
like-minded soul.
That trip ended up being one of the most special experiences of my life
and I think back upon it often. Without sounding too cheesy, I learned
from the land, from nature, and first experienced synchronicity in its
ideal sense. Twelve years later, I still find myself noticing the
random connections – the person you’re thinking about calls you;
multiple people keep mentioning a subject and you find yourself
suddenly presented with an opportunity – and, if anything, I should
seek them out more often. As of late, it’s been this way with the book
"Eat, Pray, Love", which I have passed up at the airport and bookstore
no less than five times only to find myself nearly incapable of
ignoring it any more. Friends have recommended the book, mentioned the
impact it had on them, and suggested that it might be a fitting,
inspiring read given my latest feeling of "blah." Just today, my
amazing friend Todd commented on my previous post to check out the
exercises inspired by the book.
I think the lesson of synchronicity that I’m finding myself faced with
is the same one I did twelve long years ago: learning to "let it go."
I’ve never been particularly good at that, constantly wondering "what
if?" on events past and trying to control future events that are – and
frankly, should be – out of my control. Not to get all 12-steps-y on
you, but knowing what I can change and what I can’t is an important
lesson, one I seem to need to embrace these days. (I think my
acupuncturist would highly agree. I should send him this post.)
Surrendering control is hard, but often necessary.
They say that wherever you go, there you are. So here I am. And I’m ok with it…I have to be.
Originally posted on aubs.vox.com
AubreySabala.com 