It seems like everyone has retrospect fever these days…with the end of the year approaching I suppose it’s only natural to look back and take stock of where you’ve been and what you’ve done. And, in my case, what I’ve done is listen to a LOT of music.

I’ve always been into music, but it wasn’t until this year that I was really INTO it. I’ve traded my bad pop song affliction for the kinder, gentler, awesomer indie rock and, well, I’m not going back. Yes, I do love me some JT (especially after he gave his best performance EVER on SNL) but methinks that Birdmonster and The Submarines and Margot & the Atomic hoohas (you know who I’m talking about) are much more my style.

However, the "Best of" Lists are getting kinda boring – yes, we ALL know that Silversun Pickups and Arctic Monkeys and The Black Angels and Band of Horses (ooh! Love them love them love them!) are going to be on your Top Somethings List (at least if you’ve got ANY indie rock cred, they will) but what about the lyrics? To me, the song is made by the lyrics…for all you nay-sayers who say that it’s the melody, you’re right as well, but me? I need the lyrics.

As a writer, the lyrics speak to me right when I need them to. I find myself hearing them for the first time when they’re most relevant to my current situation. As such, here’s what has been playing in my head for the past few months.

(Caveat: This is just a handful…I can’t have you knowing ALL of my secrets.)

So, without further ado, I present, in no particular order:

Ten of the All-time Rocktastically Best Lyrics (that I listened to on repeat) in 2006

1. "And some have said that true love’s something we are sure of, my only hope lies in your being confused." – Vote, The Submarines

2. "
He doesnt want her but he just won’t let her go, She started breaking but she still won’t let it show, He doesn’t want her but she just won’t let it go"  – The Big Fight, Stars

3. "I was tired from the moment I woke, I stopped listening the moment you spoke, and said I’m long gone." – Talking in Code, Margot & The Atomic So & So’s

4. "There’s always other boys, there’s always other boyfriends, there’s always other boys, and you can make them like you."  – You Can Make Them Like You,

5. "If you should go I won’t have you to blame for my unhappiness for darker days" Peace and Hate, The Submarines

6. "I like to think I’m the mess you’d wear with pride Like some empty dress on the bed you’ve laid out for tonight."  -I Go to the Barn Because I Like the – Band of Horses***

7. "But time is contagious and everyone’s getting old" – Damien Rice, Coconut Skins

8. "Rapt, in Star Wars sheets with my hand across your belly" – A Favor, Okkervil River***

9. "I think I might know what I really want But is a brighter discontent the best that I could hope to find?" – Brighter Disconent, The Submarines

10. "I’m not yours, my friend, I’m not yours but I’m everything." – Balcony, Birdmonster

*** These are tied of the best first lines of songs (that I’m currently obsessed with, natch.)

Feel free to read between the lines, but in this case, I think you’ll learn more by simply reading them as they are.

Nobody initially believed me when I said I was Dark and Twisty. It appears, however, that some people are coming around (and apparently Google agrees: I’m the fifth result on "Dark and Twisty". Egads.) To note:

Daisy just told me my blog is starting to depress her.
Ryan looked at my iPod playlist and declared me officially depressed.

I am? Really? I think I’m just in a sensitive phase or just really into lyrics these days (post found here). Or something. Because really, I’m thinking it’s about time to abandon Dark and Twisty for Bright and Shiny. A new year is right around the corner, and with it, it’s time to make a few changes in the land o’ Aubs (not to be confused with "The Land of Aubrey", still a very, very lovely place.) So, let’s get ebullient – there’s much awesomeness ahead. The Land of Aubs is a bright and shiny land, and alas, I shall list some of its bright and shiny-ness.

• Tahoe – w00t! Last weekend’s trip was a great first weekend out and with fabulous friends with skihouses (and me on my best behavior, natch) I see much skiing ahead.
• Vail – aww yeah. Following suit in the snowbunny rocktasticness, we just found out that our offsite is in Vail at the end of January going straight into a long weekend in Tahoe for the Goog ski trip.
• Fabulous shows ahead: Silversun Pickups tonight, Emily Haines, Division Day, The Changes & more in January, and – well – a shit-ton more. Just go here and you’ll see. 
• SXSW – if it’s even HALF as fun & crazy as last year, I’ll need a full month to recover

…and that’s only a few of the awesomeness that I know is ahead…life has a way of surprising us (in the brightest and shiniest ways.)

I’m also making a concerted effort to make good decisions. Not that I actually make HORRIBLE ones now (save for a few that you don’t, nor ever need to, know) but in the vein of creating your own existence (again, sorry for being new-agey again) I think it’s due time for me to start surrounding myself with things and people that benefit my life. Begone, fun sponges, begone! No more passive-aggressiveness (or at least a reduced amount)! Healthy relationships, good conversation, challenging intellects and sparkling wit only! (Ok, I’ll try my best on that one…I’m allowed a few slips now and again.)

The point is, things are looking up – after all, Dark & Twisty was SOOOO 2006…to steal the name from my awesome former boss Scott, 2007 is the "Year of Radness-tasks".

Indeed.

I often say I’m good at giving advice, but very, very bad at taking it. In fact, if I gave myself the advice I give others, I would guess that much of the drama that somehow finds its way into my life would immediately dissipate. (Though I’d have very little to write about, so I suppose there’s the tradeoff.) And yet in my conversations with girlfriends, we only in retrospect discuss the red flags.

Red flags: you know, those little twinges of "uh oh" that happen in the initial stages of the relationship, long before you’re way too invested and when walking away isn’t yet out of the question without too many repercussions. The fact that he cheated on his ex-wife. The fact that he rides a crotch rocket. The fact that he’s still manipulated by his ex girlfriend. His nostrils. You know, the normal things that send you heading straight to The Land of Ick,  or at least make you question if this is going to ever go anywhere. And I don’t think I’m the only one who’s found herself, for one reason or another, ignoring them, because we WANT THIS ONE TO LAST. This one has POTENTIAL! We met BY CHANCE ON AN AIRPLANE! We SHARE THE SAME BIRTHDAY! We both love DOGS! And, for God’s sake, WE BOTH LIVE IN AMERICA! I mean, coincidences like this don’t often happen, so when they do, so when we see something in the other person that we can connect to, see something that sends our engine revving and our tummy aflutter and even our brain all stimulated, well, we want to keep that around. We want to keep THEM around, whatever the consequences.

And so we ignore the red flags, pushing them down into the "must have been a one-time deal" category, and attempt to forget that initial "uh oh" feeling that will eventually rear its ugly, repressed head when the other shoe drops. And it’s only when it does that we bring them up again, that we finally reveal the whole truth, that he waved at you from across the bar the same day that you slept with him, that you find pictures of other blonde girls at other baseball games with him that aren’t you, that you know he doesn’t want a relationship but maybe, just maybe, he’ll change his mind. Which brings me to my next point: Settling.

If we were only honest and forthright about what we wanted, we would never settle. Yet we convince ourselves that maybe we really DON’T have to be treated the way we deserve, that perhaps we’ll take "Friends with Benefits" instead of holding out for the real relationship we’re seeking. We choose to turn a blind eye to the reality that the situation is less than optimal, in essence lowering our standards and – sorry to get all new-agey on ya here – betraying our authentic self. We’re taking the easy way out because for some reason we decide that something is better than nothing.

It’s similar to the adage: "If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything." And I think it’s time for us to stop this behavior, to start standing for something, to start standing up for ourselves and stop settling. Because at the end of the day, I’d rather be with myself than be with you who won’t ever fully get me. Sometimes, being alone is the best choice.

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oh yes, aubs’ stache is good for licking, originally uploaded by Willo.

I ❤ my girls!!

I’ve made a thousand excuses, from "I have no time" to "I’m just not inspired." Throw in 998 more in various stages of creativity and you get my drift. But finally I’ve gotten to the point where the excuses don’t work any more, not only because they’re not entirely true, but because I’m tired of being miserable and really, it’s my fault here. And only I can change it.

In a nutshell, it’s time.

Let me digress…I love working for Google; this company has afforded me so many opportunities to learn and grow and thrive and lead and, well, I’m lucky. I’ve been lucky for the nearly four  years I’ve been here, and I will continue to be lucky going forward here. (Read: I’m not quitting my job.) What I *AM* doing, however, is looking to take on more; specifically, I’m going full steam ahead with my freelancing.

When I lived in Atlanta, I wrote two weekly columns for The Sunday Paper and loved not only that gig, but my editor, too. I also loved being a food critic for Citysearch (back when they had budgets for that sort of thing) and not only because I got to take my friends out to eat for free. (How I didn’t end up a total hoss is beyond me.) Yet when I moved to San Francisco, I didn’t immediately start making similar contacts save for a disastrous run with the meanest editor known to man who attacked my pieces with a rusty razor blade. Pleasant, it was not. Then, traveling ensued and laziness set in only to be replaced by partying and, well, it’s now December 13th, I’ve lived here for over a year and have NO new freelancing work to speak of. So you can see why it’s time.

And so I shall set forth on a journey, a MAGICAL journey filled with rejection and frustration and indecision and failure and maybe, hopefully, some small successes along the way. There’s much I need to do in the meantime (a portfolio site, for one) and I’m reaching out to people (including you, yes you who are reading this! Want to help!? Please say yes) for contacts in the industry, or perhaps your company needs some copy, stat? Send ’em my way!

It’s official: Aubrey the Freelance Writer Extraordinaire, LLC (ok, that LLC was fake but just for now) is open for business.

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"I wish I had a pencil thin mustache…", originally uploaded by Aubs.

(And not in the way I wish I was)

I was robbed.

I went to dinner at my friend’s sister’s house (SO FUN! SO TASTY!) and then went to see a show, but left somewhat early as my back hurt. I cabbed it home, rounded the corner and noticed that my lights were all on. I then noticed that the front window was ENTIRELY open, WIDE OPEN, with the blinds pulled up. Being that my first-floor residence (sans bars on the windows) virtually requires a dark, hermit-like existence replete with blinds and curtains drawn to avoid the many gawkers who find it completely normal to STARE at me otherwise, I knew something was awry.

My first thought was that Jordan or Kevin had come over; why I thought this is random, but they both have keys and I figured that perhaps they were there and wanting some air. Then I realized that a) Jordan was long asleep and b) I had just left Kevin at the show, so that couldn’t be the case. I then panicked, and was certain that at least one member of my menagerie was going to be gone since the newest game in "Casa de Sabala" is to run out any time someone opens the door. Amazingly enough, upon entering, they were all there, albeit freaked out.

I looked around. Nothing seemed missing…tv, check. Entertainment system, check. Ladies’ christmas presents, check (times six.) Then I noticed my computer was gone. And, a few minutes later, after (stupidly) wandering around my house unaccompanied (while on HOLD from 911), found that my purse was also missing.

SHIT. SHIT. SHIT.

When the cops arrived (within 10 minutes, once 911 actually picked up) they scoured the place and, thus far, that’s all we’ve found to be taken. They left an iPod (though stole 2 others), 2 other handbags in plain sight, all the electronic equipment, my jewelry, etc. In short, I was very, very lucky; the cops think that Lila Belle (heretofore known as "Lila Belle, Wonderdog") scared them away by her persistent barking so it’s no wonder that dog had so many puppy treats yesterday she is certain to be sick for a week.

The rest of the evening was a blur; trying to remember what was in my purse has been an evolutionary event in that I can be eating sushi with a friend and announce "OH SHIT! MY GLASSES!" after remembering something else that was in my (brand new very expensive) purse. Thankfully, I have renter’s insurance (after last holiday’s break-in, decided it was a necessity) and I’ve done most of what I can at this point…gathering receipts, documenting what was stolen, putting my head in the oven, etc. I even got a call from my old gym; apparently, a kind citizen (who looked a bit scary himself, but apparently there’s still good in people here in The City) found a batch of my credit cards and my car key and called Crunch so they could get in touch with me. Thank you, scary homeless-looking-man who asked that they not fingerprint the cards since he was, and I quote, "on file." You just saved me the cost of re-keying.

I’ve been looking for the silver lining in this whole experience, something I try to do (yet often fail until much later, until ‘in retrospect’ is a given.) I could have lost so much more. I now know the importance of a safety deposit  box (which are in short supply here in SF – so much, in fact, that I am now on 2 two+ year waiting lists. GRR.) I am preaching the gospel of renter’s insurance. I got to ride in the back seat of a cop car!! (They took me home after leaving my car at the precinct since the robber initially  had my spare key.) I even put on my SEAT BELT in the cop car, something they didn’t insist upon (an irony that is not lost on me.) And – this is the funnest part – CSI came to my house and sprinkled black dust shit on everything, only to tell me that I didn’t have enough flat, clean, shiny surfaces. (Note to all of you who want to get robbed: invest in more flat, clean, shiny surfaces, STAT.) Besides the hassle and exhaustion and fear (lots of fear), I know I was one of the luckier robbed souls out there. And for that I am grateful.

I am also SO SO SO grateful for my amazing friends who didn’t just say "oh, that sucks" and go to bed, the ones that took me to lunch and to dinner to get my mind off of it all. The people that actually yelled at me for NOT calling or coming over at 12:30. These friends are amazing, and again, I’m so lucky. Because when it comes down to it, the overwhelming feeling is just fear and violation. I know it sounds trite, but this person broke into my home with NO prompting from me (I’ve done all I can do to try and deter thieves; it’s the stupid property management company who refuse to put bars on my house) and sleeping has been difficult. Even knowing that they don’t have a key to my house or my car, I’m scared this will happen again and I *WON’T* be so lucky. I know now why I have a top-of-the-line security system in both of my houses in Atlanta.

During the holidays, you take time to reflect on what really matters, giving thanks and sharing your love and affection in the form of cards and presents and calls to friends and family alike. And while it sounds contrary to say that after this whole experience, the feeling I’m feeling most is gratitude, but it is. More than fear, more than anything, I’m just thankful for all of y’all out there who was so kind.

I’m also thankful for comfort food like Victor’s Spaghetti and Meatballs, but y’all follow a close second. Love ya, mean it.

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So many possible captions for this…, originally uploaded by Aubs.

Some of my friends put on a "Coconut Bangers Ball" every year in this awesome, huge house in Pac Heights, and it was – hands down – my favorite of the holiday parties last year. The theme is for the men to dress as Robert Goulet and for the women to don their sequiny dresses and, I quote, "show a lot of skin." Um, check, check, obvi. So this year, I forwarded the invitation on to my peeps, and after a meet-up at Bigfoot Lodge, our "local", and Louis’s 5th Birthday party, we headed over there to rock on out.

Sadly, the party was PACKED and full of some stripey-shirted douchebags (well, not everyone, but even one is one too many) but we decided to take the party elsewhere, and thus, fully-costumed, headed over to our OTHER local, Hemlock Tavern wherin we REALLY rocked out.

They said the guys had to wear the mustaches and the girls, the sequins, but I’ve never been one to listen to rules.

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The beginning of the spin, originally uploaded by Aubs.

I usually try and make my posts logical, about one(ish) topic or at least more in article format so if (one day soon, I hope!) I ever am able to re-use these for my NATIONALLY SYNDICATED RELATIONSHIP column (putting out positive vibes for the Universe today…you hear me, Universe?) I won’t have to do a ton of re-writes and will be able to share my musings on love, lust, like and such with a wider audience. (Universe, I hope you’re paying attention here!) Anyway, this is NOT going to be one of those posts, namely because I’m exhausted.

After climbing last night (I ❤ Mission Cliffs) and then Burrito-ing and some other fun-timing at Jordan’s, we headed to Sharon’s rocktastic 80’s themed birthday party which included poles. As in POLES for POLE DANCING. I certainly got a few raised eyebrows when I told Daisy’s friends that I couldn’t stay and chat, I was performing my pole dancing act and was on in 5 mins upstairs and they should check it out. Said in jest, it somehow ended up turning into a BRILLIANT idea, or at least I thought it did. And so I went forth and pole danced with the best of ’em.

It’s no wonder that they actually have aerobics classes that involve pole dancing; my arms were so tired after what I would consider to be a moderate number of spins (20+ or so) that I knew I’d be paying for it today. And oh yes, I am. Getting out of bed to walk Lila at 6:30 was painful (especially since I went to bed at 2:30am. One day I really must stay in…perhaps tonight?)  We know I love socializing, and all, but this girl won’t make it through December without a night (or week) off. Alas, I don’t see that happening but a girl can hope, right?

My favorite comment of the day comes from Scott, who – in response to a White Elephant Party we’re having on the 18th – said:

    my god sabala, you are an unstoppable partying force from hades.  how can you rage so much?  you must have some illegal stimulants or something.

Sadly, no illegal stimulants (coffee doesn’t count) but I’m getting to the point that I think I need some. (KIDDING – I’m 100% au natural when it comes to my exuberance. I don’t think I’d *WANT* to see me on any other stimulants…and I doubt you would either.) Anyway, that’s that.

And so on this "about to rain" Friday (YAY TAHOE SNOW!) I will leave you with a bit of love from last night…I think a "Stripper Pole" might be a list on the "must-haves" when apartment shopping next month. For the exercise, of course, it’s ALL about the exercise.

As mentioned yesterday, December is insane. Let’s add emphasis. DECEMBER IS INSANE! There are parties and fetes and galas and balls (BALLS!) and stuff going on every single night. Sometimes, I’m too busy to clean my apartment. Sometimes I’m too busy to do my laundry. Sometimes, I have to give the dog a bath since she found the biggest mud puddle in the Presidio and was COVERED in dried mud and forego washing my hair because I don’t have time. And sometimes I don’t have time to eat. Yes, it happens.

It happened.

Let’s just say that Manlio was kind enough to leave out the part where I started throwing the meatballs at him, but yes, I agree: Tuesday night was awesome.